What is Compassionate Trauma-Informed Communication

 

Compassionate trauma-informed communication brings together compassionate and trauma-informed communication.  It is an embodied way of communicating that aims to reduce suffering, avoid harm, and create the conditions for safety, trust, understanding and supportive connection.

It considers what our language patterns are and how we communicate at work, at home, with ourselves, friends and strangers — how we communicate in all of life.

 

Compassionate Communication

 

The compassionate part of communication includes the motivation to help alleviate or prevent suffering, recognising our shared humanity, empathy, paying attention to our own and others core needs.  It is non-violent communication from a place of care, with courage and wisdom.  It’s essential that people feel safe, heard and understood, and compassionate communication supports this.

Empathy is part of this, when we are communicating with another compassionately, we are aiming to understand the other person, their experiences and feelings.  Empathy supports meaningful connection, understanding, and lays the ground for being able to acknowledge and validate someone’s experience which is essential.  It also supports understanding and a sense of safety.

Compassion moves beyond empathy by asking, “How can I help” and “What would be the wisest response here.”  Compassion recognises our shared humanity, acknowledging that we all struggle and suffer at times, we all encounter challenge and difficulty.    Remembering our shared humanity can help to soften judgement when it arises, and creates space for greater understanding, humility and connection.

Care means communicating with the intention of reducing suffering and avoiding unnecessary harm to ourselves and others.  Compassionate communication is rooted in care, connection and respect.

Compassionate communication includes kindness, though it’s not simply being nice!  Sometimes courage is needed, this may be a courage to stand up for our values, to advocate for ourselves or others, courage to stand firm when our boundaries are stepped over, or to manage challenging and unacceptable behaviour at work.

Wisdom involves understanding what it means to be human.   It recognises that we all have “tricky brains”, that our experiences shape how we think, feel and communicate, and that many of our patterns developed for understandable reasons.  While these patterns are often not our fault, they are our responsibility.  Wisdom also invites us to understand where our own communication patterns have come from.

 

Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication

 

We know from research that our tone, facial expression and body posture are more important than the words we use, and the words are important too.  Before we speak, people are already responding to our nervous system, our presence and whether there is a sense of safety and safeness so it’s essential we know how we are arriving in the space with them.

Before we choose our words, our nervous system, how we are arriving, our assumptions, our intentions and our capacity for compassion are already shaping the interaction.  Communication begins with how we arrive in relationship with ourselves and others.

Communication is also about how we listen.  Compassionate listening is not listening to reply or solve problems, but listening to understand.  As Professor Michael West describes, compassion begins with attending — being fully present and listening with fascination.  Deep listening with genuine curiosity and a willingness to understand helps create the conditions for safety, trust,  meaningful connection, collaboration, and for wise action to emerge.

Compassionate trauma-informed communication is not simply about learning communication skills or changing our language.  It is about embodying compassion and trauma-informed principles so that they are expressed naturally through our presence, tone of voice, facial expression, body language, decision-making and relationships.  Like compassion itself, it becomes a way of being rather than something we consciously try to do.

 

 

Examples of Compassionate Communication

 

Compassionate communication isn’t about using a script, asking open ended questions and reflecting back what is being communicated are important.  examples of phrases that communicate care, curiosity and understanding include:

• That sounds really difficult for you
• I can understand that
• How can I help you?
• How can I support you to…?
• Asking someone to tell you more
• What can I do for myself out of kindness right now/today?

 

Trauma informed Communication

 

Trauma-Informed communication recognises that the way we communicate can unintentionally cause harm, including at times re-traumatisation.

It means integrating trauma-informed principles into how we communicate at work — and in life in general.  There are 6 key principles of trauma-informed practice:

• Safety
• Trustworthiness and Transparency
• Choice
• Collaboration
• Empowerment
• Cultural, Historical and Gender Awareness

These principles are expressed through the way we communicate as much as through what we do.  They are part of how we listen, the questions we ask, whether we create genuine choice, how transparent we are, whether people feel respected and included, and whether our communication helps people feel safe enough to participate and be heard.

We can consider if we invite choice in the way we communicate with colleagues, the people we support and those closest to us, or do we tend to tell people what they should do?  Equally, do we offer ourselves choice and flexibility, or do we continually push ourselves without recognising our own needs and what supports put health and wellbeing?

Trauma-informed communication also involves being open and honest, acknowledging uncertainty when it exists, working collaboratively recognising that no one person has all the answers, supporting people’s strengths and autonomy, and recognising how cultural, historical and gender experiences may shape how communication is experienced.  What feels safe, respectful or empowering for one person may not feel the same for another, making curiosity and cultural humility essential.

 

Why Communication Matters

 

Communication matters across all areas of our life.   It is relational and is part of shaping the relationship we have with ourselves and others.

The way we communicate at work will be a little different in some ways to how we communicate at home but it still comes from the same foundational patterns and habits.

Our communication is shaped by the cultures we work within as well as previous experiences, beliefs and language patterns and habits.  When we regularly communicate in ways that conflict with our values, those patterns can gradually become normalised and it tends to create increased threat system activation as we are out of alignment with how we wish to be in the world.  Over time, this can influence not only how we communicate at work but also how we communicate at home, with friends and even with ourselves; as wells other things including anxiety and increased nervous system deregulation.

Compassionate communication isn’t only an individual responsibility, it’s also shaped by leadership, teams and organisational culture and the wider systems in which we live and work.

Communication that isn’t compassionate and trauma-informed can cause harm in a variety of ways, including it can cause or continue to:

• Anxiety
• Shame
• Decreased trust
• Disconnection
• Humiliation
• Re-traumatisation

In the workplace, communication that is not compassionate and trauma-informed can contribute to such as poor team working, increased stress, increased risk of burnout, reduced productivity, increased staff turnover and higher levels of sickness absence.

In healthcare, it can contribute to all of the above, as well as reduced engagement with care, poorer quality of care and reduced service-user satisfaction.  I would also suggest it can increase the risk of harm if people have not fully understood the information, choices or treatment being offered.

 

What Can Get in The Way

 

Compassionate trauma-informed communication is not always easy, particularly when we are under pressure.  Many things can influence how we communicate, including:

• Lack of awareness
• Stress and nervous system dysregulation
• Time pressure and competing demands
• Fatigue and burnout
• Previous experiences and trauma
• Assumptions and unconscious bias
• Organisational culture
• Hierarchical ways of working
• Fear, shame or uncertainty
• Lack of psychological safety

When we recognise these influences with compassion rather than judgement, we are better able to pause, regulate, reconnect with our values and respond more wisely.

 

 

Supporting Compassionate Trauma-Informed Communication

 

There are a number of qualities that I think support compassionate trauma informed communication, especially:

• Presence
• Self-awareness
• Self- compassion
• Values awareness and values-aligned action
• Attunement
• Curiosity
• Empathy
• Openness/willingness
• Honesty
• Humility
• Courage
• Wisdom

The way we are present for ourselves and others matters.  Being present in a non-judgemental, compassionate and curious way helps create a space of openness and safety, and supports a willingness to be with what arises and to listen to understand.  Being curious helps prevent assumptions.

We need to be able to attune to ourselves and those we communicate with.  This includes attuning to our own nervous system, theirs and what’s happening in the space between us.   Somatic awareness, deep listening and compassionately reflecting back what is being communicated supports attunement, acknowledgement, and understanding.  These in turn support a sense of safety, safeness, respect and trust.

Compassion supports wise, courageous communication.  Compassionate trauma-informed communication doesn’t mean allowing unacceptable behaviour.  Instead, understanding there’s a reason for it and then holding our boundaries and letting the other person or people know their behaviour isn’t acceptable. Compassionate communication can mean asking difficult questions and acknowledging uncertainty.

Open, honest and clear communication supports understanding, psychological safety, a sense of safeness, trustworthiness and meaningful collaboration.  It helps reduce unnecessary uncertainty, supports informed choice, and creates space for uncertainty to be acknowledged rather than hidden, helping people work together with greater openness and understanding.

 

Other Factors That Can Support Compassionate Trauma-Informed Communication Include:

 

• Raising awareness of what’s this is and why it matters
• Nervous system awareness and regulation, this includes co-regulation
• Embodying compassion and trauma-informed principles
• Awareness of language the words that are often unhelpful, for example but, should, have to and must
• Compassionate trauma informed healthcare, education and other systems
• A society that’s compassionate and trauma informed
• Self-compassion
• Compassionate leadership
• Somatic awareness, along with somatic and embodiment practices
• Mindfulness-based practices
• Self-reflection and empathetic/compassionate reflection during conversations of what’s being communicated

Our nervous system state influences how we communicate with ourselves and others.  If we are dysregulated too often we will be communicating from a place of threat which will influence how clearly we can communicate, our tone and words, our body posture, how we are present.  This is often picked up by the person automatically and will likely influence how they communicate with us.

We also influence one another through co-regulation.  A regulated, compassionate presence can help create conditions where other people feel safer, think more clearly and communicate more openly and compassionately.

During conversations, taking pauses supports mindful communication.  Reflecting back what is being said supports understanding.  Having dual awareness matters – this is awareness of how we are and how the other person is, our nervous system states.   It’s important that we notice what’s happening in our body (somatic awareness) and take pauses to help steadiness rather than reactivity when conversations are challenging.

Slowing our speech down and softening our tone, if that’s appropriate with who we’re are communicating with, decreases our threat system and could decrease theirs, though this partly depends on their precious experiences.

Tips:

• Hold an intention to communicate from a place of care with curiosity and understanding
• Arrive before you speak.  Notice your nervous system state and how you are arriving in the conversation.  Take a moment to settle if needed
• Be present and listen deeply to understand rather than to simply reply
• Be authentic, open and honest, including when you don’t know something.  Transparency helps build trustworthiness and strengthens compassionate relationships
• Notice assumptions, judgements and biases, and gently return to curiosity
• Ask open ended questions such as “How?”, “What”, and “Can you tell me more about that”
• Allow pauses and silences rather than rushing to fill the space
• Notice what is being communicated beyond words through tone, posture, facial expression and nervous system state
• Respond with care, curiosity and respect, even when holding boundaries of having difficult conversations
• Communicate clearly and check shared understanding, especially when discussing important information or decisions
• Noticing when the fixing reflex has been activated (a slip into telling and convincing)
• Offer meaningful choices and collaborate rather than direct.  Even small choices can contribute to people feeling more empowered and respected
• Reflect afterwards when this could be helpful. What went well?  What might you do different next time?

 

Reflection Questions

 

Questions that can be helpful to consider include:

Compassion

• Have I communicated in line with my values?
• Was I communicating from a place of care?

Curiosity

• What might I not yet understand?
• What barriers may have been influencing this conversation?
• What might have been making this difficult?

Presence

• What was my nervous system state?
• What might their words and nervous system have been communicating?
• What signs of safety or threat might they have been experiencing?
• Was I truly present?

Reflection

• What was I embodying?
• What was needed?
• What might support this conversation now?

 

Summary

 

Compassionate trauma-informed communication combines the embodiment of compassion with trauma informed principles and understanding of the many ways trauma can present.

It begins with how we relate to ourselves — our inner dialogue, our experiences, beliefs and nervous system all shape the landscape of our communication.  It is also shaped by how we understand others, the systems we live and work within, and how we embody compassion and trauma-informed principles in everyday interactions.

When we communicate with greater presence, curiosity, compassion, courage and wisdom, we create the conditions for greater safety, trust, collaboration and connection.  This has ripple effects, it shapes the quality of relationships with ourselves and others, and in doing so helps shape teams, organisations, and communities — and ultimately, society.

Compassionate trauma-informed communication is part of embodying a compassionate way of living.  It’s a life-long practice of awareness, learning, adjustment and embodied presence.

Whether we are communicating with ourselves, our families, colleagues, teams or the people we support professionally, compassionate trauma-informed communication offers a foundation for healthier relationships, more compassionate cultures and wiser responses to the challenges we encounter together.

This article is the third in a series exploring compassion and trauma-informed ways of working, living and being.  If you’d like to explore these ideas further, the previous blogs explore compassionate trauma-informed healthcare — what it is, why it matters, and the factors that support its cultivation.   You can read them here:

• Understanding Compassionate Trauma-Informed Healthcare https://unityphysio.co.uk/compassionate-trauma-informed-healthcare/
• Creating Compassionate Trauma-Informed Healthcare https://unityphysio.co.uk/creating-compassionate-trauma-informed-healthcare/

If you’re interested in creating compassionate trauma-informed workplace cultures you can find out more about my workplace training here:

https://unityphysio.co.uk/services/compassionate-trauma-informed-working/