In this blog I’m going to share a little about the mindful compassion based 5 steps stress awareness and management model I’ve developed.  First, let’s take a quick look at a few points around stress.

Stress often gets a bad press, which is because it negatively affects our health and wellbeing when it’s certain types of stress, prolonged and repetitive.   Stress is part of our daily life in many ways and some of it we need for adapting including the stress from exercise.  Chronic, or ongoing stress, also impacts chronic health conditions, it amplifies pain, fatigue, gut issues, anxiety and other symptoms.

Many things contribute to stress, including health inequalities, which I’m not going to go into in this blog.  There is also often a negative perception of stress and a stigma associated with it which isn’t needed or helpful.  I’m not going to go into this because it would be a whole other blog, however it’s important to mention that being stressed isn’t a weakness and recognising it and taking action is a strength. 

We cannot change stress if we aren’t aware of feeling stressed, or we don’t notice when stress is increasing and/or are not aware of the factors that we can influence.  The rest of this blog will focus on my compassionate mindful 5 steps stress awareness and management model which can support stress awareness and management, and optimising health & wellbeing, alongside lifestyle factors, including: exercise/movement, diet, sleep, time outside, and connecting with others and nature.

The 5 steps stress awareness & management model

 1. Slow down & pause 

2. Awareness – Notice what’s present in the body (somatic check-in) with compassion & curiosity 

3. Let Be –  allow what’s present as it is without judgement as best you can, noting how things ebb & flow

4. Let go – let go of what does not serve 

5 Let in – choose what’s helpful, what you would like to invite more of.  Connect to what’s nurturing & focus on this

Using this model we start by slowing down and pausing, perhaps noticing the feet on the floor and the position of the body (eg sitting or standing).  It can also be helpful to connect to an intention to notice how we are and what’s present with a compassion and curiosity.  

Step 2 is noticing what’s present in the body (a somatic check-in), this includes how the external environment is impacting our physiology, for example the nervous system state.  Doing a somatic check in creates an embodied awareness of what’s present.   A somatic check-in can include noticing what sensations are present where, what the breath is like, what energy levels are like, what thoughts & feelings are present and how they show up in the body. 

Step 3 is letting what’s present be, allowing it to be as it is as best you can with compassion and curiosity, and also noticing how things ebb and flow.   Acceptance of what is present is part of this, there are many misconceptions about acceptance, it doesn’t mean liking or wanting something, nor does it mean something won’t change, and it’s not a one off thing (it’s an ongoing relational process).  Alongside allowing and accepting we can also notice how what we are paying attention to changes moment by moment, everything’s always changing.   To be with what’s present and allow it we need to have a wide enough window of tolerance, this could be seen as nervous system capacity to maintain some regulation with stressors, it is something that we can expand over time.  We also need to know what helps us keep a foot or at least a toe in some regulation whilst we are being with what’s present when it includes suffering or things that are challenging.  If our window of tolerance is narrow and we don’t know what anchors us in regulation, what supports us to stay settled and grounded enough (regulated enough) we will become too dysregulated to be with what’s present, mixed with previous experiences, and can become overwhelmed.  We need a number of things to support being with suffering especially compassion, courage, nervous system regulation and a sense of safety in the body.  The being with what’s present and listening to the body often holds much wisdom, this can guide us towards what’s helpful. 

Step 4 is letting go of what does not serve us.  This is not always an easy process and can take some time, it’s not necessarily a one off in the moment thing, nor a do one practice and we have magically let go of something, although sometimes it can be like this (usually when there has been prior work with something).  Letting go can be related to a variety of things including worry, self-criticism, impatience, unhelpful beliefs, unsupportive/unhealthy habits and excess tension in the body.  Things that support letting go include embodied movement, other somatic and embodiment practices, breath practices, compassion practices, compassionate phrases/mantras, visualisations, and other things like journalling.  As well as needing some nervous system regulation to be with and let go of what does not serve us the process of letting go usually creates more nervous system regulation.  We can also purposely use practices to support regulation as part of letting go which can support the process.  

Step 5 is letting in what supports our health & wellbeing and being able to thrive. Letting in what’s nurturing or supportive can include many things, for example: noticing a sense of ease, spaciousness, or freedom from letting go of tension in the body, or through connecting to a slow soft smooth breath; noticing a sense of being cared for/loved; recalling a sense of being appreciated; noticing kindness and being kind to others; connecting to a sense of what you can do being enough; and moments of joy.  In this step we aim to take in the nurturing moments as they happen and/or recall them, letting them soak in and noticing how this impacts us, for example a change in breathing or nervous system state.  This is what Dr Rick Hanson calls ‘Taking in the good.’  One of the things you can do here is consider what you would like to invite more of into your life, for example more connection, more kindness, or more strength.  We can choose to embody what’s helpful here, for example self-compassion, a gentle strength, a sense of ease, or feeling cared for.  With regular practice of letting in what’s nurturing and supportive, letting in the ‘good’, it changes our whole being.  It impacts our physiology, how we relate to ourselves, others and the world and we are training our brain to take in what’s helpful, positive and nurturing.  This supports our health and wellbeing, whilst not ignoring the other things (the noticing and allowing steps).  This step could also including letting in the changes that with repetition become helpful habits. 

This 5 steps mindful compassion based stress awareness and management model is really about connecting to the body, awareness, compassion, being with, letting go and letting in/bringing in what’s helpful/supportive/positive.  Compassionate awareness is foundational to this, and I think in many things if not in all things.  If we pay attention to what’s present with self-criticism, blame, or frustration it increases the stress, one of many reasons why compassion and awareness are like two wings of a bird, we need both to fly.  The model isn’t 1-5 steps that we rigidity stick to, we move back and forth between different stages, there’s a flow and flexibility within it.  For example, we might be working with letting go and then go back to noticing and letting be before going back to letting go again, or we might be working with letting in and go back to awareness and noticing and even more letting go, and there might not be a clear distinction between the steps always.

As mentioned at the start of this blog there are various lifestyle factors which support optimising our health and wellbeing and stress management.  Developing helpful habits by focusing one habit and one step at a time can be a helpful starting point, over time habits become a way of being.  You could also use this model to support developing habits that support health and wellbeing, I could write how but then this blog would be even longer!  Do let me know if you would like a blog with some tips for this.

Letting be, letting go and letting in has been a practice for me for some time, and still is, and I use it in my work.  I’m not sure if I developed this practice fully myself or if it’s something I picked up and from Dr Ricki Hanson’s work and modified in my own way based on all my learning and personal practices.  I always acknowledge other people’s work and where I get ideas from, in this instance I’m unclear if one of Dr Rick Hanson’s books or attending one of his workshops inspired this model and my work with ‘Let Be, Let Go, Let In’ so I’m mentioning it in case it did.

What do you think? Could this be a helpful model/practice for you for you? Maybe something like this is a practice, or part of a way of being for you already.